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Here is a peak into my history of eatingdisorders.

This is the story of me...
In a few words.
You have heard it before, but still I'm different.
I am 23 right now, but I have been dealing with this for almost as long as I can remember.

when I was about 11 I didn't know how to deal with my pain and feelings. So I turned to food.
when I got home from school I turned to the
cupboards for something to chew, to eat...
To make me not think about anything else!
I did this for years. Not really knowing why I did it.
Occasionally I would try to diet and lose weight. I was flirting with the obsession of losing weight and being thin.

When I was 17 I really did it. Didn't eat for a week, lost some weight, and I was
really trapped in my own world consisting of
hiding and avoiding food. Food was my enemy, and I was spellbound 24/7. Slowly people started to notise what I was doing. I was sent to the school's doctor.

My weight went up and down. I was starving, bingeing and purging and using laxatives. After seeing the school's doctor for a year, he wanted me to be admitted to hospital. But there was no place for me.
Not for 8 months...

I stayed at the hospital for six months. Not much better when I got out... I kept losing weight that summer, and in september '04 I was admitted again.
But this time against my will! I stayed there for 8 months.

I had gained about 25 pounds, but in my head I was still anorexic. But something was better... I was actually living a bit that summer.

I started nursing-school in 2005, but I was living as an anorexic/bulimic. I was seeing a therapeut, but I lost a lot of weight again. All 25 pounds.

Since june of '06 I have been in and out of
hospitals... Had a feedingtube for six months...
I have been admitted over a dozen times for my eatingdisorder, in both psychiatric and somatic hospitals and I haven't seen the end of it yet...
I am still fighting what seems like an endless cycle of low self-confidence, distorted images and a fear of food.

They say it is possible to recover! That is my only hope. That is what I am still living for! Becasue if we don't have hope, we are lost!
I can not feel the hope every day, but I have learned through therapy that I wouldn't have been alive today if not something, deep down in my heart, didn't believe it, and I had the will to survive.